We're convinced of the need to break the silence surrounding motherhood, and determined to lift taboos that shouldn't be taboos. By bearing witness, you are offering support and comfort to all women going through a similar ordeal without daring to talk about it. Thank you for them, thank you to you.
Anonymous testimonial
"I was lucky enough to have a beautiful pregnancy, baby in great shape, mom active until 10 days before the birth, but looking back I realize that 10 days off is clearly not enough. A perfect birth and immeasurable happiness, as you've all experienced... Baby was 3 days old and Mum was hit by the baby blues. I'd heard about it, but hadn't been warned about the violence of this hormonal downturn. I was taking a shower when all of a sudden I started crying and crying and crying and I couldn't stop. The midwives explained the baby blues to me, as did my obstetrician, but I had no idea it was that bad (at least not for me). And as one thing never comes alone, the judgments and pressure from outside began to show their face... "But you're not allowed to do that! But you're not allowed to cry!"; "Please get a grip, it's ONLY the hormones"; "You realize you're living the happiest days of your life and you're in this state!" etc etc etc.
I don't remember everything that was said to me, but I do remember feeling guilty and not being listened to, no support, no hand on my shoulder to reassure me. I was a mom now, I had to be strong and I had no right to feel like that. These feelings stayed with me. The day came when we came home, baby, mom and baby blues of course... Dad came to pick us up. He was present, without being present... This didn't help either, so reality began. Day after day, I was in awe of my baby, my reason for living, but the baby blues were still there. My midwife started talking to me about post-partum depression, even though I had never abandoned my baby. The couple's problems were taking over, with Dad increasingly absent and Mom increasingly alone, having to manage everything day and night. After I went back to work, my doctor stopped me because of maternal burn-out. My blood results were really bad, I was exhausted, literally and figuratively drained. It took me almost 4 years of low, very low (home, ex-couple and work) before I agreed to go and see someone. On my birthday, all I could think about was disappearing. I didn't want to be part of this world anymore, and I thought I'd be a terrible example for my baby. I told myself that his father would find something better anyway. My best friend forced me to see a psychiatrist and start therapy. It was hard for me to accept, but now I couldn't cope without help. I had to get out of this automatic mode that was damaging my physical and mental health.
Despite the pervasive feelings of failure and shame, I resigned myself and made the appointment. A little voice kept telling me that my baby had chosen me as his mother, and that if I wasn't going to do it for myself, I should at least do it for him. First appointment and first tests, the verdict was in: severe depression and the need for at least 3 years of follow-up therapy with antidepressants over 6 months. Everything I'd refused until then. I finally started treatment and I never thought I'd say this, but I've been living again ever since. I'm me again and I want to live!
Don't let yourself be overwhelmed by judgments, criticism, dad's absence and the daily grind at home, because before all that and even before your baby, there's you. Wife, friend, lover, mother, colleague & Co. And if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will. Don't overestimate yourself, but above all don't underestimate yourself! Nobody knows better than you how you feel. Looking back, I sincerely believe that some important decisions should have been taken earlier, but when you've got your head in the sand, you just go for it, without stopping. I still don't know if I've had post-partum depression to this day, but a big baby blues that turned into depression that's for sure. It took me 4 years to accept and get help! Cheer up to all the moms going through this, you're not alone and you're not alone! Accept help, really."
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