Miscarriage

We're convinced of the need to break the silence surrounding motherhood, and determined to lift taboos that shouldn't be taboos. By bearing witness, you are offering support and comfort to all women going through a similar ordeal without daring to talk about it. Thank you for them, thank you to you.

Testimony of Anaïs

"My husband and I decided to have a child in March 2015. Very quickly, I go off the pill and lucky me I get pregnant immediately. We have our first appointment with the gynecologist at 8sa and hear the heart of our baby. The next one is scheduled for the famous 12-13sa. We're filled with joy and I can feel my body changing a little. When the appointment arrives, we're impatient and imagine seeing our baby with two little arms and two little legs. The gynecologist says nothing. I can see that our child has a strange shape compared to the one he should have at this stage. There is a long silence before the fatal verdict: "Your baby's heart has stopped". Everything collapses around us, my husband collapses and I burst into tears. It was June 24, 2015. Our baby, the fruit of our love, stopped developing following our first appointment and my body kept it. There followed, of course, the unpleasant things with the taking of a medication that didn't work and led me, a few days later, to the operating room. Fortunately, I was surrounded by more than benevolent staff.

Then life resumed its course. We went on vacation and waited three months, as requested by the doctor, before trying again. As luck would have it, I got pregnant again at the end of September. I'm scared every time I go to the bathroom and as the first appointment approaches. In the end, the appointment never took place because I lost my second baby at 6sa. It's what my gynecologist calls a biochemical pregnancy. It's hard to get back on our feet, but the second time around is a little less painful because we'd subconsciously prepared for it. I got pregnant again and on December 20, I had my first appointment with a gynecologist who wasn't mine. She told me at 7sa that the egg seemed clear and that I needed to be examined again a few days later. The embryo has not developed sufficiently and I find myself in this situation where I have to take a medication that I now already have at home. Christmas 2015 was horrible! We went on a trip immediately afterwards, but the bitterness and sadness continued to overwhelm me. 3 miscarriages in 7 months... What am I doing wrong, why us? From there, I underwent a whole battery of genetic and immunological tests. For my part, I consult a wonderful acupuncturist. We have to wait a few more months before trying again.

We leave for India, and when we return a few weeks later, I can feel a little being invading my body. The anxiety is palpable. I knew I was expecting a boy from the very first weeks, I could feel it. The pregnancy was complicated. I had to stay calm and have check-ups every week for the first three months. My baby's nuchal translucency was a bit thick and the doctor didn't want to take any risks, so I had a hyper-medicalized pregnancy... My son is now 2 and a half. He's in perfect health and I feel he knows what we've been through; it's part of his story too.

I'll never forget what we went through, and I still cry sometimes. But, looking at our son, my mom's heart is healing."