Laetitia left Switzerland in search of a better life and traveled to Asia for 2 years. It was an adventure that literally changed her life. In Thailand, she met Bell, her husband and the father of her two children, Lanna 2.5 and Siam 16 months. Laetitia talks openly to us about her pregnancies, her births and her life as a mother with children 17 months apart. A new family configuration that requires courage, organization, patience and, above all, letting go.

Laetitia, can you introduce yourself in a few words?

I'm 38 years old. I was born and raised in Geneva. After studying psychology, I worked in HR for 8 years. After several unsuccessful experiences and a need to change my life (I was ending a 13-year love affair), I decided to leave everything behind and go to India for 3 months. This trip literally changed my life and marked the beginning of my professional reconversion, but as my quest for well-being was far from over, I set off again for Indonesia, Burma, Cambodia, Laos and Thailand, where I met Bell, who is now my husband and the father of my children. These different journeys (a total of 2 years) confirmed that I was well suited to accompanying others, but using my hands and my heart. So I trained in various holistic therapies such as reflexology, reiki and aromatherapy and opened my own practice.

In which countries did you have your pregnancies and where did you give birth?

For Lanna, in Thailand, but we returned to Switzerland a few weeks before the birth. For Siam in Switzerland from start to finish.

How was your pregnancy in Thailand?

The sun, the nature, the food and the attentive family were all great. And it's no myth that stress doesn't exist in Thailand, which was a real joy on a daily basis. However, I decided to go back to Switzerland to give birth, as the cultural differences concerning maternity were not easy for me to deal with.

And how were your deliveries?

Very bad for Lanna, but fortunately much better for Siam. For Lanna, we had come back from Thailand on purpose, thinking it would be safer to give birth in Switzerland, but in the end it was a disaster. I had very strong and close contractions at around 5pm that day. We arrived at the HUG at 8pm, and Lanna arrived at 11.45am the next day... There was no room in the delivery room, and the epidural took forever. What's more, they waited too long to take her out, even though they'd been thinking about a C-section almost from the start. As for me, I could feel that something was wrong, but nobody listened to me. It was as if I were a spectator of my own birth. They reacted when they realized that I had septicemia and that my vital prognosis was at stake. I really think my body spoke for me at that moment. As a result, I had an emergency caesarean and then pre-eclampsia - the works! I was in the maternity ward for almost 2 weeks. I really wasn't ready for that. For Siam, I was so apprehensive about the birth that we scheduled another C-section.

Your children are (only) 17 months apart. How do you feel today?

I'm exhausted. Lanna has always been very sensitive and cried non-stop from birth until she was 5 months old. I think the birth was as traumatic for her as it was for me. When she was 8 months old, I became pregnant with Siam. This 2nd pregnancy was totally unplanned.

What was your first reaction? What about dad's?

I cried about it. I was just starting to recover. I wondered how I was going to manage another pregnancy and Lanna who was just starting to walk, how I was going to welcome a new baby when Lanna was still so small! It was a hard blow for Bell too, but easier for him to accept. To be honest, the first few days were really difficult morally, but instinct and maternal love for this future little being soon took over.

Did Lanna understand that she was going to have a little brother?

She understood that something was going on. I bought her a doll to explain to her without using baby talk. I stayed 5 days at the maternity hospital when her little brother was born, and I have the feeling that she experienced it as an abandonment. Back home, she hadn't understood that the baby was going to stay with us. Very quickly, she tried to kick him. I was distraught. As a result, Bell took care of Lanna and I took care of Siam, so she created a very close bond with her father. She rejected me, which was very difficult for me. I felt very guilty. I felt like I'd had Siam and lost Lanna. In spite of everything, I continued to give her lots of attention and love, and to play with her with Siam in portage all the time.

Now that Siam is 16 months old, has anything changed?

It's for the best, but Lanna clearly has a preference for her dad. When it's just the two of us, it's fine, but as soon as Bell's around, she only has eyes for him. I've had to learn to accept that she only comes to me when she decides to. Sometimes she says to me: "You're Siam's mom".

Does she keep hitting her brother?

A lot less, but still yes. For Lanna, her little brother represents the person who "stole" her mommy. As much as she wants to do everything with him, cuddle him and protect him, she sees him as a danger. I quickly realized that we would need outside help. There's a special service at the HUG called "Unité de guidance infantile". They've assigned us a child psychologist who we go to see all 4 of us regularly. At home, we try to do everything we can to reassure them, explain things to them and give them as much love as we do. We hope things will get better as they get older.

How are the nights at your place?

There aren't any (smile) or when there are they're very short. Both Lanna and Siam wake up a lot at night, so all 4 of us sleep together. I was too exhausted to fight trying to get them to sleep in their own beds. I reassure myself that Bell slept with his mother until he was 15 (laughs). That's quite common in Thailand. It doesn't mean he's become disturbed or unbalanced. Sometimes I don't understand why people are so keen to have children sleep alone from birth. It's certainly not an ideal situation in the eyes of others or society, but for us, it's fine the way it is.

You and Bell are both self-employed. Is this an advantage on a day-to-day basis? How do you get organized?

It's a lifestyle choice that's clearly an advantage for us. I couldn't see myself putting my children in daycare 100% of the time (we don't have a place anyway). We'd rather have a lower standard of living, earn less but be with them as much as possible. So we take turns looking after them. Sunday is the only day for the 4 of us. Lanna will start kindergarten in September (3h/day) to have a bit more social contact. Ideally, it would be nice for both of them to go to nursery school at the start of the next school year, if there's room in the meantime.

What kind of activities do you do with the kids?

We play outside as much as possible. The biggest disadvantage of having children close together is that they don't have the same rhythm! It's hard to get them to nap at the same time, and they can't play the same games, even though Siam would love to do everything like her big sister. In short, it's challenging (smile).

In all this, do you manage to take a little time for yourself?

Time for me uhhh... what does that mean (smile)? When you're trying to take a bath and every 2 minutes one of the three of them comes into the bathroom for X or Y reason, you end up taking a shower and telling yourself it's better this way (laughs).

Looking back, how do you feel about having children close together? What if you had to do it all over again?

We're not going to lie, it's very difficult. After that, it all depends on your situation. If you have help from your family, a place in a crèche and the means, that's fine. We don't, but I wouldn't want anything else in the world. I love it even if I'm sometimes at the end of my tether physically (smile).

If you had to define motherhood in one word?

A cataclysm in good ways and bad. You can prepare all you want to be a mother, but you'll never really be one.

What did it bring you?

I was able to test my limits. Motherhood has brought out the best in me and the darkest in me. But I'm so proud to say "I created and gave life".

What values do you want to pass on to your children?

Freedom, tolerance and kindness.

Laetita, what's the best thing we can wish you today for tomorrow?

Honestly, may my life continue as it always has, filled with beautiful adventures, but with a little more stability, both material and emotional.