How do you welcome a new child into the family?

You're expecting a baby in a month's time. You're lucky enough to be the mother of 2 children who are becoming more independent and are even starting to play well together, giving you a few moments of respite. And now you're wondering why you decided to risk the balance you've worked so hard to build with the arrival of a third. What if the other two don't accept it? And how can you look after young children when there are more of them than you?

Mother sitting on sofa with newborn and eldest daughter

I've been there, 8 and a half months pregnant with my last. I still remember that feeling of panic when I thought about the imminent arrival of number three, after having spent THE perfect day with the kids (yes, the one without arguments/crying/accidents/vomiting on the floor). I was still spending 6 months of the year without my husband at that time. What if I couldn't cope alone with 3 young children? In this first chronicle, I tell you how we welcomed our second and then our third child into the family, and into the siblings.

The arrival of a new baby for us parents.

Going from one to two children was a much bigger shock for us than going from two to three. No more marvelling at baby's exploits at the same time, or taking turns so the other could rest. Whether we opted for zone defense (you do the diapers while I prepare the outfits) or individual defense (each to his own player), we had to beef up our game to adapt to the faster pace.

The most obvious change was that we spent less time together with the arrival of our second child (you take the big one shopping and I do the laundry while the baby naps) . This started to weigh on us, sowe quickly went back to doing everything as a family, even if it meant things going slower, if only to spend time together (yes, that's when you realize that your date with your husband is at 7 p.m. in your kitchen over a plate of ham and coquillettes with your kids getting it all over the place, not at 10 p.m. in the trendy neighborhood café over a Mojito with your buddies getting it all over the place). Considering moments with the kids as real couple moments, and not focusing 100% of our attention on them, helped us get our heads out of the bucket, and thus regain the energy to be parents.

In return for the shock of these new arrivals on our family life, we were no longer young, inexperienced parents. We managed the early worries better, and didn't worry or question so much about everything. We even managed to get them to sleep through the night at 4 months for number two, and 2 months for number three, as opposed to 6 months for number one (I have a revenge plan that I'll set in motion on his 14th birthday, and he owes me at least 4 months' sleep, which I intend to get back one way or another).

Each time, it took us two months to find a new rhythm, and above all to reach the grail, the promised land, the precious, the philosopher's stone: the synchronization of naps and then, very soon afterwards, of bedtimes. From then on, everything became much simpler, we had time to breathe and start again the next day.

Daily life was tiring, of course, but no different with 3 than with 2, as the big one was more independent. The advantage of having children close together was that we never lost our grip, knowing how to look after one baby while keeping an eye on another. In the early days, I just had to remind myself that I had 3 children, not 2(I forgot number three in his capsule in front of the house the first time I went for a drive alone with all three... I remembered him when I started the car.Oops! Force of habit...)

The arrival of a new baby for them, the children.

We experienced 2 very different situations for the arrival of the second and third.

For the second birth, our eldest was delighted to become a big brother. The first days at home were serene. But a week later, he decided that the joke had gone on long enough, and that this baby was taking up too much of his mom's time (since dad wasn't at home much for professional reasons, I had less time to devote to him). And yet, I was careful to put him first, not to leave him in the lurch whenever his brother cried, and I kept time just for the two of us when baby was asleep. To no avail. I couldn't leave them in the same room for 10 seconds (even to go to the toilet; classy capsule at your feet with baby watching you pee!) or the big one would hit the little one. We talked, we read him books about the arrival of a sibling, we valued his "big" status (he was 22 months old), and little by little the aggression turned into disinterest in this baby, who in the end was no threat.

The arrival of our youngest was very different. Our eldest was almost 4 and went gaga over his new brother instantly. He always protected him, cuddled him, kissed him and wanted to share his toys, right from the start. For number two, who had always been used to sharing his parents, the interest of the first few hours (yes, it didn't last long) soon gave way to total disinterest. He much preferred spending time with his big brother. No jealousy on his part, he simply became more clingy (I called him glue for 2 years). I preferred that to hitting him, because at least I could go to the bathroom in peace!

As the months went by, and then the years, the youngest son found his place in a well-established partnership. Despite the inevitable arguments, I'm always moved by the bond they've created between them. If you ask them what's the most important thing in life, they'll invariably reply "brothers". Yes, there's often rivalry and jealousy between them, but above all there's a lot of complicity, support and love. So if you're worried about the arrival of a new baby in the family, don't worry too much. It may not go as planned, but everyone will eventually find their place and their rhythm.