Once upon a time, there were 2 women, Laurence and Audrey. One single, the other in a "classic" relationship. Love at first sight, first as friends, then as lovers. A relationship fraught with difficulties in the early years, with one woman struggling to accept herself and the other with her family. But their love, stronger than anything else, eventually swept away any remaining doubts. They decided to make their union official and embark on the adventure of motherhood. Today, Laurence and Audrey have 2 children, with a 3rd on the way. We were particularly touched by their story, which is full of hope! As they rightly told us during the interview: "Homosexual couples really do choose to be parents, there are never any accidents. In the end, gender doesn't matter when it comes to encouraging, supporting, consoling, accompanying and, above all, loving a child. It's time to discover the MotherStory of this pretty rainbow family.

Could you introduce each of them in a few words?
My name is Laurence, I'm 39 and I'm a psychologist specializing in Neuropsychology FSP in private practice. I'm Audrey, 37, and I'm assistant principal atEden, a bilingual elementary school in Geneva. We've been a couple for 15 years and in a federal registered partnership since 2015. We are the proud mothers of 2 children aged 2 and 5, and Audrey is carrying our 3rd child, due in June.

Where did you meet and how did your desire for a child come about?
We met while studying at the Faculty of Psychology in Geneva in 2005. I'd been in a relationship for several years and Audrey was single. For me (Laurence), meeting Audrey was a real "coup de coeur". First as friends, then as lovers.

Our relationship was fraught with difficulties for the first few years, between difficulties in accepting each other for one and being accepted by her family for the other. It wasn't until 2014, strengthened by our love, that we decided to make our union official with an engagement followed by the signing of a federal registered partnership, then finally with a magnificent ceremony in the spring of 2015 on the sands of Le Pyla surrounded by our nearest and dearest.

The two of us had always wanted children. We'd wanted to start a family for a long time. The subject had been broached from the very start of our relationship. Determined to follow our dreams to the end, we embarked on this rather crazy project, that of MAP... Abroad.

Did you agree on who would carry your future child(ren)?
2 years older than Audrey and ready for longer in my head, we decided that I (Laurence) would be the first to start the PMA process. Audrey will carry our second child.

What were the first steps in your MAP adventure? Which country did you choose and why?
We chose Denmark for their values, their approach to MAP and the welcome they give to female couples, but also for the fact that we could choose an "open" donor, i.e. one who would agree to be put in contact with the child when he or she came of age, if the child so requested.

How did you choose the donor?
We decided to use a Danish sperm bank so that we could buy enough sperm to have several children from the same donor. Clinics can't guarantee this.

Our choice fell mainly on someone who was physically close to us. As it turned out, the first file we opened at random was the one we chose. 

Did you have the same donor for your 3 children?
It was our idea, of course. We wanted the children to have this genetic link. But unfortunately, after 2 and a half years of trying, 3 IVFs and 15 failures to have our 2nd child, we decided to change donors. We had to grieve. But how happy we were when Audrey became pregnant on her 4th IVF and gave birth to our 2nd little prince, now aged 2. 

How did it work out from a practical point of view?
You need a strong entourage, financial means (and yes), a couple who are more united than ever and a flexible employer to embark on this project. All couples who use MAP to conceive a child know this... We also had to travel, given the state of the law in Switzerland. 

And emotionally? Did you ever come close to giving up?
It was intense! The roller-coaster ride, the stress of the first few weeks on the lookout for the slightest sign of pregnancy... The tears, the grief after the failure and the hope that is reborn behind it. And, finally, the immense joy when the magic works. 

How are you coping with motherhood in Switzerland?
We live it very well. Society is ready for it. There will always be people who tell you that you're on the wrong track, but they're no match for our need to exist and live our lives... just like everyone else. 

In Switzerland, are spouses always involved/accepted by the medical profession, schools & co?
In Switzerland, we've always been well accepted and taken care of medically. The same goes for our children. We only had one bad experience in France, when Audrey and I went to a health center following a miscarriage. The doctor was despicable to us. Fortunately, that was the only time!

Does the one not carrying the child feel less involved/considered?
Generally speaking, things go very well. It's true when I think back that during the childbirth preparation course, the midwife was unable to change her lexicon during the 3 sessions. She systematically used the term "dad" to refer to the partner, which really pissed us off. Despite our reflections, she didn't change her language. We didn't feel fully included in her class. 

From a legal point of view, we still have to hang in there, be patient, very patient, and agree to undergo a social investigation by the adoption service before we can be legally considered as the second parent of our children. 

Be prepared to have to cross out the word "father" on many official documents. The law changes, but the documents remain the same. Everything takes time. 

How are we legally recognized?
We're both parents! From the first day of conception, we have been parents to our children. Legally, things are different. The law changed in January 2018, but Audrey only became a parent to our first child born in 2016 in October 2019. As far as I'm concerned, it's been over a year since the adoption file was submitted and my application is pending. As the service is overwhelmed, our child has to wait to officially have a second parent.  

Be proud of who you are and of your love. Then you'll be strong enough to overcome any obstacles you encounter along the way.

Is the everyday life of a lesbian parent couple the same as that of a heterosexual parent couple?
We imagine it is. Family life like any other. We divide our time between our children, our respective jobs, our loved ones and our hobbies. The mental load is full, but divided between the two of us. We each have our own strengths and skills. Things happen naturally between us, and have done from the start. The key to our longevity: listening to each other's needs and unwavering love. 

Were the two of you aligned on the type of upbringing you wanted for your children?
Yes, things are very natural and easy between us. Our upbringing is the result of what we each received from our respective parents and the desire to do better. Being trained in neuroscience and Audrey running a school with positive discipline as one of its foundations, it's only natural that our upbringing is based on listening, encouragement, respect and firmness.

We're imperfect parents, but we know we're imperfect, and we're proud of what we've achieved. Our dream is to turn our children into positive, well-adjusted people who are open to others, respectful of the planet and free. 

What do you say to those who think that a father and mother figure are necessary for a child's balance?
I let them think and observe the world around them. Our children are very happy and balanced, and it shows. They're surrounded by a wonderful diversity that helps them grow and blossom. As adults, they'll always have something to reproach us for, and that's part of growing up. We are convinced that our children will never reproach us for having had two moms as parents to encourage them, console them, accompany them on a daily basis and love them.

Does your eldest child, aged 5, ask you questions? Do you fear that your children will reproach you later on, or that they'll want to know who their father was?
He's always known that he has 2 moms and no dad. He knows which of us carried him in the womb. When we decide to form a rainbow family, we don't cheat. We don't hide. We know that others before us have fought for these rights. We're proud of our family. 

Technical questions about conception will come with time, and we'll be there to answer them. When they reach adolescence, they may have questions about their origins, and here too, we're ready to answer them calmly. Like his brothers, he will be able to access his donor's identity and contact him if he so wishes. 

What advice/message would you like to give to same-sex couples who want to become parents?
Go for it. If that's your dream... Go for it. And above all, be proud of who you are and of your love. Then you'll be strong enough to overcome the obstacles you'll encounter along the way.